“I don’t know.”
That’s the answer I have given to those who have asked me “what’s next?”
You see, back in January, the Lord showed me that my time in the state I lived in for 7 years—the place that God used to open my eyes even greater to His love for me; the place he rooted me to flourish in Him; the place where He reminded me that He has chosen me for such a time as this; the place where, in comfort, asked him to never move me, had come to an end.
But He had more plans for me than I could see and so when He laid in my heart that after my lease ended in NJ that I would be moving, it wasn’t with a road map in front of me. It was with a “take this word for now and trust Me to reveal the rest.”
Can you imagine telling people that you are moving and had no answer when they asked “where?”
Yup. That was me from January to March 17th—with my lease ending April 30th.
Don’t you just love the way God works? He does. Lol.
Remember that thing called faith that He talks about in His word? You know the whole, “we walk by faith and by sight?” (2 Corin. 5:7)…
Yea—He wasn’t playing. It’s really a lifestyle. And that’s what I’ve learned in 2016. The opposite of faith isn’t doubt. It’s sight. Because everything I saw with my natural eyes didn’t quite reconcile with what I knew in the Spirit. I cried many tears because of the uncertainty. But even greater, I rejoiced in many ways because His presence never left me.
I will never forget the image He showed me and the words He spoke when He made it clear that this season was over in New Jersey:
I was praying one evening and He showed me a rag that had been rung until water could no longer come out of it. And He gently spoke and said:
“All that I wanted you to do in this season is done. You can stay if you so choose, but My grace will no longer be with you.”
My heart sunk. Those words—I never want to hear again. It put His fear in me because in that moment I realized, nothing I did in my time here was in my own strength, intellect, merit or desire. He is the one that changed my desire to stay 7 years ago when I had planned to move to Cali after 1 year in NJ. He is the one that opened the door for me to be in Johnson & Johnson and even when I wanted to leave 2 years ago, showed me it wasn’t time. It was Him who allowed me to grow and flourish in ministry.
It was HIM.
And I can’t and won’t do it without Him. So when He said, “my grace will no longer be with you,” tears fell. I need His grace. And so with a sober mind, I accepted His invitation to trust Him deeper.
The months following after that night in January weren’t the easiest. But boy did I grow. Boy did I pray. Boy did I rest in His word. And boy did He lead me. In the midst of having to stand firm in the conviction of what I knew versus what others didn’t understand, He stood with me. He gave me the grace to not back down. He held me in those weak moments and reminded me that I belonged to Him.
There is so much to the details of this story ( I will do a video to share) but in short, He revealed to me one week before I would go home for Easter to see my family (which I prayed that He would give me an answer by then so they can at least be in peace–He’s so faithful) that I would be moving back to Virginia to be with family and that I could work from home with JNJ. (only God! And that in itself is a story).
So it’s August—I’ve been home in VA since May. Much has taken place but here’s another part: The decision to move home was honored by my workplace when I made that decision. However, they had put stipulations around it and that is that it had to be short term. Like End of August. Like this month:-)
I have to be honest, when they first told me that, my heart sunk. I have been at JNJ for 7 years. So much took place here but deep down, I knew it was God’s doing–slowly weaning me from that place of comfort. Of course, working with this great company, they were willing to help me look for other positions within the company after moving to VA. I was honored. But I knew I had to take it to the Lord.
Well, 3 weeks into moving to VA, I heard the Lord say don’t look for any jobs with the company. You’re season is done. I can’t explain the peace but it was tangible. And tears flooded my eyes on that drive home when I heard Him gently speak those words because I knew it was yet another invitation to trust Him. Deeper.
So what’s next you ask? Great question because He hasn’t made it fully clear but what I do know is He is the One writing my story. While the uncertainly of when my next check will come crosses my mind from time to time, the knowledge and certainty that He is SO with me stills my beating heart.
This is a new season y’all. A season where He is stripping me of everything and anything that I have my placed my security in to show me it’s all about HIM.
I’m excited. He is working things out behind the scenes. And He won’t reveal until it’s time. But it will always be time for me to seek Him. To sit before Him. To abide in Him. To learn Him. to Know Him. It’s always time.
So as I close out my next few days with JNJ, I do so with great peace that in this season of transition, God isn’t trying to catch up to this time, He’s in it. He’s before it and He’s leading me through it as I sing
“Jesus My Captain, my soul’s trust Lord, all my allegiance is rightfully Yours”
(the song of my heart this season)
**** *There is so much more to this story so I will share it in a video to explain the details of God’s doing so you may be encouraged to know that HE IS WITH YOU!*****